Ice Cold

on my way in to work this morning round 8am (late). in the lane next to the HOV lane, the lane i like to call "i wish i was in the HOV lane, lane", when a tracter trailer came passed on my left (yes HOV, you are so smrt). we were clipping along about 65 or so, pretty good for 8am on the toll road, when the back end of the trailer opened up. not fully like in beverly hills cop when Axel Foley was flung around the door of the cigarett truck, but just slightly opened. bout that time a case of cat food cans came sliding out and ASSploaded on the pavement.

imagine if you will, tender vittles hurling towards your ride at 65mph.

i immediatly slammed on the binders narrowly avoiding some fancy feast in my grill. dude continued to drive all the way through the toll plaza, which is where i got off. wonder if he ever knew. the funny part is there was a rav 4 or some other form of minivan suv that was right behind and i saw 2 cans hit it. the guy just kept on his way like it was normal for a 9 lives to be imprented in his hood.

i would have been pissed....

Posted by at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

you have heard this creed from various pockets scattered throughout the southern side of the mason-dixon line, now hear it all the way from Sunnyvale, California...

Yahoo! has gone country as portrayed in this skin provided by the internet giant. you may think the battle is over, but in fact it has just begun. we have spies everywhere. Sally Joe and Bobby Lee can infiltrate and blend as they are masters of their surroundings (what? you dont think they chew bakki out there in californi?).

Posted by at 1:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

imagine this scenario...

quietly coding away against a tight dealine, when you hit a stump. shit, shit, shit, how do i solve this?

some of you may know where i am going with this.

ah ha, i'll hit up groups, Google's answer to the everyday trivial questions that everyone knows they should know, but sometimes just cant remember. click on my bookmarked link sitting directly in Firefox, just waiting to pop open a new tab and save the day.

whats this? no... NO... FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
The Internet destination you have requested has been blocked in conformance with Company policy. Contact the Service Desk if this block must be removed in order to conduct business.

No record has been made of this event.

thats right folks. i have been blocked yet again by the company.

in light of this event, i ask my readers how many times they access groups on a daily basis. aside from tucker who would claim to be the walking google group. be honest. i know you want people to think you know everything, but you secretly look up "html link reference" after a 2 day bender.

--as i wrote that i realized my comments dont work. you have to click on the post title and leave them there. yet another instance groups would have come in handy.--

Posted by at 2:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

well if you are you may be able to be an extra in the sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean!!

exerpt below:

"Pirates: Extreme characters and hideously unattractive types, ages 18-50. Odd body shapes or very lean to extremely skinny. Missing teeth, wandering eyes and serial killer looks with real long hair & beards. Wigs & makeup are not what we’re looking for. We also need little people, very large sumo wrestler types, extremely tall or extremely short people, albinos, amputees. Any size or shape that is NOT average is best. All ethnicities. Mostly men, very few women."

i am auditioning for the "extremely skinny" pirate. hollywood is wierd.

via Defamer

Posted by at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

i have been entertaining the idea of buying a hybrid vehicle for some time. i know. this is one of my dirty little secrets i only talk to myself about at the gas pump, in traffic, masturbating in the shower i mean... who wrote that??

anywho - i am not talking about a Prius or a hybrid Civic, what sparked my interest was the Ford Escape. it basically got me thinking about hybris SUV's or even trucks for that matter.

i know what you are thinking, hybrid SUV's would be a contradictory in terms, and you would be right, but think about this. sitting in traffic in my 6800lb Tahoe. that engine does not need to be running. or cruising at 65mph down the toll road, just need to maintain at that point. those two instances when i could shut off that massive V8 would save me $100/mo.

then i saw this on AutoBlog. Toyota has made a step in the right direction. a hybrid/V8 powertrain. that is respectable. so if you are getting called a tree-hugging hippie by the Dodge next to you, you will not look like a total wuss when you slam on the gas and ol V8 lights up. then you can flip him the bird as you pass him at the gas pump, with your new Moomba from all the money you saved.

either way, this is something i can get behind as a gas guzzling suv driver.

not a sermon, just a thought...

Posted by at 12:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

LEAD UP WEEK:
consisted of 15 of our closest friends in what may be one of the nicest houses i have ever slept in. nothing broken, nothing bruised. one hell of a good time.

money lost in poker: $30
beer consumed: how many zeros are in bajillion?
games of horseshoes pitched: 9
games of bocce played: 13

WEDDING DAY:
consisted of 120 of our closest friends and family on the possibly the best day of the summer. nothing broken, nothing bruised. one hell of a good time.

rounds of golf: 1
houses hit by golf balls: 2
times Marcus said he was going to rape bang the beer girl: 17
score: 120 something (no one did very well)
people who passed out at the ceremony: 0
expected: 3 - bride, groom, Marcus (Marcus was close)
ex-boyfriends storming in to pummel me: 0
pictures taken: how many zeros in 10 bajillion?
people in the pool in their clothes: 3
TuckerFuckers made: 1 i think (ask Tucker)
happy newlyweds: 2 (that i know of)

HONEYMOON:
consisted of 2 newlyweds in possibly one of the nicest resorts in the British Virgin Islands. nothing broken, nothing bruised. one hell of a good time.

planes to the island: 2
wives freaking out on the plane: 0
expected: 1
days spent in total seclusion: 7
pants popped open from eating too much: 1
lizards shitting on me: 1
books read by me: 1
books read by Steph: 2 and a maxum a people and anything else she could find since i was so slow reading mine she could not start it.
people that were way out of their social class at this resort: 2 (well 1 for sure, i think Steph was ok)
planes almost missed: 1
airports ran through in full sprint: 1
good times had: how many zeros in 100 bajillion?

Posted by at 1:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

...as the night was just taking off, Dixieland Delight rang across the ocean air at the request of the groom. a long standing tradition reenacted as if a religious ritual during the ceremonies of the foursome of friends, but we all knew this tradition was far from complete, 3/4ths done, one left... the tomcat... Jr is next. god help us all...

i read a book on our honeymoon, all literary and shit, can you tell?

Posted by at 1:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

where do i start?

wedding
honeymoon
birthday

none - i am busy as all hell for some reason. stupid work. i'll have some highlights later!!

Posted by at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)