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(thanks kim)
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today,
Ireally sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come
work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I
feellike that I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes
everything better and I can go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.
now i have a reason to drive the full size SUV. it is to haul this 320-pound behemoth around while i make your ears bleed.
here is some more info from CES
so i was cruzing the local country stations website and saw this:
much like a Hot or Not site, so nothing ground breaking there. makes me laugh when a wholesome country station is confirming the fact that these girls are "dairy queen" hoggs! so blunt, so funny
obviously a mistake with my 2.8, but kind of fun to see in your Inbox
i have some gMail accounts to give away. first come, first served.
Fark linked to an interesting article describing the difference in men and women and what they are able to process in relation to how they use their brain's resourses.
according to the article they found that men use 6.5 times as much grey matter as women, but women use nine times as much white matter.
Breakdown:
- "White matter connects the brain's processing centres and is central to emotional thinking, use of language and the ability to do more than one thing at once"
- "Grey matter is brain tissue crucial to processing information and plays a vital role in aiding skills such as mathematics, map-reading and intellectual thought"
the article goes on to say "about 40 per cent of the human brain is grey matter and 60 per cent white matter". this is all fine and dandy, but what does it mean when i have 20% grey, 20%white, and 60% paisley???
i like tater tots...
is there something prestigious about working for a particular company? does the mention of Booz, Allen, Hamilton or Accenture or BearingPoint in a discussion say something about your status in the consulting world?
in my short stint here at BP i have heard no less that 5 times from totally separate groups of people, "we are BearingPoint, we can figure it out". what the hell does that mean? does it mean simply because BP signs your check every 2 weeks you are smarter than the rest of the industry? or is it because they hired your lazy ass that you feel special? i have turned down jobs at most all of the major consulting firms in the area, and in hind sight, wish i had turned BP down. does this give me a leg up on everyone here? it almost reminds me of the UVA self appointed elite status they are taught to portray in freshman (or should i say 1st year) orientation. the "because i am here, i am better than you" attitude.
i can tell you i have worked with much brighter people at previous firms. i can see no driving factors that set BP employees apart from anyone else. they drive the same BMW's, wear the same Polo, carry the same briefcases, and say the same dumb shit in meetings. that being said, i do see one difference, people here will express their opinion on ANY topic, regardless of their expertise. if they are a CRM expert, why not challenge every word i have to say on web development. i mean, should i be questioning every word you say involving your CRM apps? no - that is not my area of expertise. that is not why i am in the meeting. i am there to speak of web development. so i keep my mouth shut. does that make me look bad?
spotty post and i do apologize, but i hate "Big" consulting.
one confession, in an attempt to not look stupid as i am writing a post about people thinking they are smart, i did spellcheck... i found 6 spelling errors... gotta keep grounded i guess.
what is R Kelly's favorite game?
.:answer in comments:.
i found my first grey hair last week.
i am movin on up, out of the ghetto. this will be my last post from the streets of DC. unless of course i get bored today, it is only 11am.
sitting here i cannot help but feel sad about my departure from this great area. all of the stories i had to share, all of the things i have seen, all of the seemingly near-death experiences i have had. i will miss my friends... Tron, Tyrone, Nay Nay, that dancing guy... wait a minute... what am i saying?? FUCK THIS PLACE!
i am hella glad to be moving from here. starting monday i will be in Tysons Corner with the rest of civilized society. eating lunch with people, parking like a normal person, not spending 1hr 20min on the road every morning, not dodging bullets. the crack addiction will be tough to break, but with a little support and a little Panera, i feel i can get over it.
so it is so long land of crackheads and police sirens -> hello land of BMW's and soccer moms...
bring it back
sign the petition here.
this blog author would like to welcome our spanish overloards. mucho mucho bueno!
it really does sadden me that i have to rely on other people to report stories of tards. no offense to pops, he does a great job getting the information out to those that yurn, but i miss it. i would gladly trade the countless hours of Everybody Loves Raymond for just one more obsinity yelling, drunk dad hollering, car crashing evening of tard watching through the picture window. of course i would be living with two homosexuals (yeah, the replacement roomates at Youngblood are gay, sorry pops, sorry chip).
enough sappy - reporting from Youngblood, pops...
"Here is tards new car, he hasn't been driving it much, he was flying up the road in that old beat up mustang today. Today his dog got away again, and Chip and I watched him chase it all the way up 2 blocks. He then locked the dog in the truck for a couple hours and came back with 50 feet of rope and tied it to the dogs collar. Guess he's never heard of a leash."
yet another friday where i wish i had a video camera here on the streets of DC. i was privy to a sidewalk show while out on my smoke break today.
a gentleman, assumed to be high on "that shit", was dancing down the street. i started watching him about 2 blocks up from across the street. then he got to my block, jay walked in a V line to me, stopped and danced in an undescribable style for about 45 seconds. the closest visual image i can give you is a cross between Michael Jackson in the choreographed dance sequence during the Thriller video and the guy with the "crazy legs" in the Levi's commercial.
it was funny to say the least, then he simply continued down the street...
where are my JMU alumni?
the student newspaper, "The Breeze", had a section called Darts & Pats where students could anonymously submit comments they wanted off their chest. some good, some bad, some just stupid. i would like to lift this from them, except mine will neither be anonymous nor stupid...
Dart...
a "pull-your-head-out-of-your-ass" dart to employees of the Dulles Town Center Verizon store for destroying 2 hours of my evening yesterday as i was trying to replace Stephanie's busted ass phone.
Dart...
a "why-don't-you-lube-it-up-next-time" dart to Verizon Wireless for charging for everything! $10 to transfer phone numbers to a phone we just bought from you?
Dart...
a "you-sell-crappy-phones" dart to LG because, well... they sell crappy phones.
Pat...
a "you-sell-cooler-phones" pat to samsung for puting a camera in every phone, even the el-cheapo we got Stephanie.
Dart...
a "what-the-hell-happened" dart to gmail for being down all morning. some of us would like to begin our day of emailing people movies of Paris Hilton and a stuffed bunny.
Pat...
a "thanks-for-being-hot" pat to Paris Hilton.
Pat...
a "sucks-to-be-a-teacher" pat to the people who posted 2003-2004 JMU Staff Salaries.
Pat...
a "damn-that-was-good" pat to the Asains downstairs for the delicious omlet and home fries this morning.
to all of you lazy fat asses who decided it would be a good new years resolution to wake up early and go to the gym from now on at 6am because you cannot fit into your dockers anymore, FUCK YOU!
you are messing up my routine, clogging up traffic. go back to bed, fat asses! the only solace i have is that you are lazy, and it is inevitable that you will be back gorging yourselves and sleeping in after you realize that it takes more than an ounce of motivation to continue this lifestyle for more than 2 weeks.
(fyi - my ride in this morning was less than smooth)
i have an email exerpt from one of the remaining tard watchers in McLean. pops has sent an email filling us in on their activity.
"tard is still alive, and he got a nice new ride, it looks somethin like this and its white and loud as hell. I'll see if I can get a pic of it sometime.
Funny story from tonight, remember that dog that tried to run in the house on halloween? its still alive, and it ran over tonight with the tard following behind. The dog ran in circles around a car, with the tard chasing it. the tard couldn't catch it, and at one point the dog ran over to my car where i was unloading groceries, and was trapped in, and the tard took off running around the car to catch the dog so I did what every good neighbor would do and shut the door and the dog took off. He finally caught the dog, and picked it up around its mid section, with his head facing the ground and the ass in the air, after almost dropping the dog, he threw the dog up on his shoulders and carried it all the way back to the house. Anyone need a new dog? I feel bad for it.
Also some insurance guy called last week asking if I lived near Jason who lives at **** Youngblood, and I told him I'm guessing he's referring to the tard across the street but I didn't know him."
smells like rotting fish in the District today. thought you all may like to know that.
